i dont think any 18 year old feel that way. but i am certainly one of them. i just have this poison in me that i would like to live up to people's expectation.
you know how i feel sometimes?
when people are proud that i did things that way, achieve an achievement that they really want me to have, they all will be celebrating with joy, and yet, i feel so empty inside sometimes. the smile on my face is simply plastered there, because is meant to be there, not because i do feel that way inside.
i dont know how long more i can take this. but i am certainly putting a fullstop to this. this is going to be my new year resolution for 2010. i had enough, seriously, pleasing everyone but myself. in the end, do they know how empty i am on the inside? or how much hard work i put in, into achieving something that i dont really want?
and as for university application. i thought of it for a long time. & i think is really time to fight for myself. i am not going to let this go on. about how much expectation you, them, they all have on me. is all about myself. i am sorry if you think i did not play my part well, at least i knew myself that i tried my very best.
& if you know me, and if you ever do care, i hope you would understand and support me.
i don't know how much i really do have to fight to get this through, but i certainly will. i am old enough to make my own decisions.
& for those outside there that i treated with a sincere heart, you know who you are.
it doesnt mean i am not feeling it,
sometimes just because i keep quiet,
it doesnt mean i agree, is just that i'm tired of the pointless argument,
sometimes when i agree with you,
it doesnt mean i truly support your decision, is just that i respect your personal opinion.
& when i dont cry,
it doesnt mean i am not upset.
simply because i dont wanna show you how weak i am inside.




